How Gaming Improves Emotional Regulation

Kids and teens absorb what their parents say, even if they claim to not care or even groan at how old you sound. You can say things like, “I felt myself getting so upset with my friend that I told her I would have to think about it and call her back. I didn’t want to say something I would later regret. I took some time to talk to someone else about it, think clearly, and then I came back to her and calmly explained how hurt I was before giving her an answer.” Or, “I got so mad at this driver today I started screaming at him in the car, but then I got worried I’d do something stupid, so I took three deep breaths – in my nose, out my mouth – counted to ten, and thought about all the times I’ve made mistakes. By the time I finished, he was gone and I was over it.” Don’t act like you never get mad or sad – that will come off as dishonest – but the more you can weave into everyday conversations how you handle that, the better.

If your child is struggling with something in real life, prompt them to compare it to a videogame they like and what they would do there. Reread the chart in the Youth section above to get a sense of how you can compare skills that work in gaming to real life.

Young people – especially boys today – struggle to ask for help or to talk about their feelings to adults who can help. They need to know that asking for help is normal, and showing them can be better than telling. Kids and teens absorb what their parents say, even if they claim to not care or even groan at how old you sound. You can say things like, “I did not understand the instruction my boss gave today, so after I tried for a little bit, I went right back to her and asked if she could explain again. Boy, I’m glad I did because I totally misinterpreted the first time.” Or, “I did not know what to do about Grace not responding to my texts. So I called your Aunt Mae and just vented to her for an hour.

You would not listen to the concerns of someone who regularly criticized something you love, and your child is the same way. Try to lead all discussions of gaming with positivity and support for the benefits. Then use open ended questions to generate discussion such as, What do you like most about this game? What is the most stressful part? Who do you usually play this game with? What are the relationships like that you have built through gaming? What does this game give you that offline life doesn’t right now? What would your perfect balance between gaming and offline life look like?

Today, gaming is very much online. Parents and families must recognize that gaming often comes with exposure to cyberbullying, harassment, or offensive content (including misogynistic or homophobic or racist comments) and pressure to participate in this culture. Initiate open-ended conversations about how this impacts your child’s mental health. Some questions you can ask include, What have you heard or seen in video games or in the chat that has made you uncomfortable, anxious, or upset? How do you feel when people say mean or inappropriate things while gaming? Is gaming helping you be the person you want to be?