Sextortion: Online Coercion and Blackmail
Sextortion, sometimes called online ‘blackmail’, is when a person threatens to share explicit (naked or sexual) images, private or embarrassing information online, or threatens to harm someone if a person doesn’t follow demands. This video explains what sextortion is and some of the red flags of when behaviors might be sextortion. It also describes what to do if a person experiences sextortion and how to get help. [AMZ-153]
If you, or someone you know, has experienced sextortion, Text “THORN” to 741741 for anonymous support from a trained counselor. Make a report to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC): get help here.
Youth
Being connected to your friends, family, and everyone else online can be awesome! But it’s important to remember that online, not everyone is who they say they are. And nothing we do online is really private, including emails, text messages and even the apps you use on your own phone!
You might have heard the word ‘sextortion’, sometimes called online ‘blackmail’. Sextortion is when a person online threatens to share explicit (naked or sexual) images, private or embarrassing information online, or threatens to harm someone if a person doesn’t follow demands. These demands often include sending money with an app, taking naked or sexual pictures or videos, or other illegal activities. These threats come from different types of people, for example, strangers you meet online, a person pretending to be someone else online, and past romantic or sexual partners. These threats are attempts to harass, embarrass, and control victims and it is illegal (against the law).
Oftentimes the harasser reaches out to a young person on a social media app or gaming platform. Recently there has been an increase in sextortion targeting boys; often in these situations boys don’t feel like they can get help, don’t know who to tell, and don’t know how to manage feelings of embarrassment. The harasser could be (or be pretending to be) any gender and any age. Often they will friend multiple people within a community or school to gain mutual friends and appear trusted before contacting potential victims. Some red flags that a message might be sextortion are: the person says “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”, the person pretends to be from a modeling agency and requests pictures, the person uses photos that have been photoshopped to seem real, the person wants to quickly develop a romantic relationship, or they use multiple (fake) identities to contact you. In addition, the person might also make threats or do things like, “ I will make you (or the picture/video) go viral”, take a screenshot of your location and say “I know where you live” or “murderers are waiting outside for you (or your family)”, “I will tell your family you sexually assaulted someone”, or “I need the money for a sick family member”. All of these are lies meant to upset and disturb people so they will react and trick them into giving the blackmailer what they want.
If you (or a friend) are experiencing sextortion or any other type of online abuse or harassment, it is important to follow a few steps to protect yourself. First, only accept friend requests from people you know in real life, even if you have mutual friends. If you still receive a threatening message, stop responding immediately. Even if the messages get more scary or threatening, not responding is the best way to end the interaction. Remember, the person on the other end is not who they say they are, and are trying to scare you into giving them money. Next, talk to a trusted adult and let them know you received the message. Even if the message is embarrassing, sexual, or illegal, a trusted adult can help guide you through the process of blocking and reporting the harassment. You should always report any abusive or harassing messages to the platform (app, game, etc), most platforms allow you to block messages from a specific user. You should also report the harassment, abuse, or sextortion to the authorities. Finally, you and your trusted adult should make a plan of action just in case the photos/videos do get shared online. There are resources to help you and your family remove unwanted online pictures. For example you can contact Take It Down; this service is one step you can take to help remove online nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit photos and videos of minors
There are also some important “Don’t” if sextortion happens to you: 1-Don’t delete images or messages, these can be used as evidence by the authorities in the future and 2-Don’t pay money to the harassers. Often they will continue to ask for increasingly larger amounts of money with threats of releasing the information, photos, or videos. And 3-do NOT forward or share the images with anyone other than a trusted adult and law enforcement. Sharing nude pictures of minors (people under 18) is child pornography, even if the pictures are of yourself.
The most important thing to remember about sextortion is that it is NOT your fault, and there is support to get you through. Even though experiencing sextortion might feel embarrassing, shameful, or hopeless, you are not to blame, and these feelings are temporary and will change as time goes on. As we continue to use social media and gaming apps regularly as a society, there is an increase in people that are harassing or using sextortion against young people. The good news is, there are also people out there to support you and help you get out of these scary situations. Talking to your trusted adult is the best way to get help and stay safe when things happen on the internet.
FAQs
Speaking with a trusted adult is really important if you experience sextortion. A trusted adult could be your parents, or other adults in your life like a teacher, counselor, or coach. Text “THORN” to 741741 for anonymous support from a trained counselor. Remember, the person who is blackmailing you is to blame — they are committing a crime.
Reporting sextortion is important. Even though it may feel scary or embarrassing, you should talk to a trusted adult immediately. You can also report sextortion to report.cybertip.org or 1-800-THELOST.
Make sure you talk to a trusted adult to support you if you have experienced sextortion.
You can contact NCMEC for help in getting your pictures removed from the internet. You can also contact Take It Down; this service is one step you can take to help remove online nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit photos and videos of minors.
Test your knowledge
Additional resources:
If you or someone you know is experiencing sextortion, get help here.
- Make a report to NCMEC’s Cybertipline at report.cybertip.org, or reach out to NCMEC for support at [email protected] or 1-800-THELOST.
- More information and sextortion resources from NCMEC.
- Make a report to Take It Down (NCMEC) to notify companies to take images down.
- Visit Thorn’s Stop Sextortion for more resources.
- Read more information about sextortion on Thorn’s blog.
Get help now: Text “THORN” to 741741 for anonymous support from a trained counselor.
- Take NoFiltr’s POV quiz to test your knowledge.
- Visit NoFiltr for more resources and advice to navigate risky situations online.
- Share StopSextortion Tips for Friends
- Follow NoFiltr on TikTok and YouTube to join a community of young people at NoFiltr.
Additional Resources
Parents
You might have heard the word ‘sextortion’, sometimes called online ‘blackmail’. Sextortion is when a person online threatens to share explicit (naked or sexual) images, private or embarrassing information online, or threatens to harm someone if a person doesn’t follow demands. These demands often include sending money with an app, taking naked or sexual pictures or videos, or other illegal activities. These threats come from different types of people, for example, strangers you meet online, a person pretending to be someone else online, and past romantic or sexual partners. These threats are attempts to harass, embarrass, and control victims and it is illegal (against the law).
Oftentimes the harasser reaches out to a young person on a social media app or gaming platforms. Recently there has been an increase in sextortion targeting boys; often in these situations boys don’t feel like they can get help, don’t know who to tell, and don’t know how to manage feelings of embarrassment. The harasser could be (or be pretending to be) any gender and any age. Often they will friend multiple people within a community or school to gain mutual friends and appear trusted before contacting potential victims. Some red flags that a message might be sextortion are: the person says “i’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”, the person pretends to be from a modeling agency and requests pictures, the person uses photos that have been photoshopped to seem real, the person wants to quickly develop a romantic relationship, or they use multiple (fake) identities to contact you. In addition, the person might also say or do things like, “ I will make you (or the picture/video) go viral”, take a screenshot of your location and say “i know where you live” or “murderers are waiting outside for you (or your family)”, “I will tell your family you sexually assaulted someone”, or “I need the money for a sick family member”. All of these are lies meant to upset and disturb people so they will react and trick them into giving the blackmailer what they want.
There are also some important “Don’t”s if sextortion happens to your young person: 1-Don’t delete images or messages, these can be used as evidence by the authorities in the future and 2-Don’t pay money to the harassers. Often they will continue to ask for increasingly larger amounts of money with threats of releasing the information, photos, or videos. And 3-do NOT forward or share the images with anyone other than a reporting website and law enforcement. Sharing nude pictures of minors (people under 18) is child pornography, even if the pictures are of your child.
It is important to talk to your young person in a way that shows support and removes blame, guilt, and shame. Saying things like, “I told you so”, “Why didn’t you…”, or “This is what happens when..” can bring up a lot of shame and embarrassment and prevent young folks from talking to adults in challenging situations. Instead, use phrases like, “How are you feeling?”, “We can get through this together.”, and “It’s not your fault-they have committed a crime”. Work together to report the incident, and make sure that you connect your young person with a counselor and other professionals with specific experience in sexual harassment, abuse, or sextortion cases. In addition, there are resources to help you and your family remove unwanted online pictures. For example you can contact Take It Down; this service is one step you can take to help remove online nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit photos and videos of minors.
Conversation Starters
It’s best to start conversations about social media and other technology early. Instead of trying to figure out what your child is doing on social media and with other technology, coach your child through each platform and strategies to think critically about what they see. With your help, your child can grow as a person by exploring the world of technology and the internet while you provide a safety net of trust to fall back on.
Here are some ways to start these conversations:
Sit down with your child to look at funny videos or pictures, creating the space for your child to be comfortable with you and sharing online experiences. Ask your child to show you their favorite meme, YouTuber, or TikTok.
Social media is so pervasive that it can be a completely natural, comfortable topic of conversation with your child. You can say something like, “Did you see how the (current event) was all over TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, etc today?”
Just like we instill in our children a sense of self-worth, confidence, and self-empowerment in their everyday lives, it is just as important to have conversations about safety on social media. Say things like, “Did you know that sometimes people pretend to be different people on the internet?” Let them know that it can be hard to tell if people are telling the truth online. Discuss how they might know if someone is who they say they are, encourage them to follow their instincts when something ‘feels off’, and let them know they can always come to you, even in scary situations.
Related resources:
Get help now: Text “THORN” to 741741 for anonymous support from a trained counselor.
- Visit Thorn’s Stop Sextortion for more resources.
- Stop Sextortion – Tips for Caregivers
- Read more information about sextortion on Thorn’s blog.
- Thorn for Parents: sextortion discussion guide
- More information about sexting & nudes from Thorn for Parents
- Thorn for Parents additional resources + self care tips
- Tips for parents from NCMEC
- Additional family resources from NCMEC
Educators
Sextortion, sometimes called online ‘blackmail’, is when a person online threatens to share explicit (naked or sexual) images, private or embarrassing information online, or threatens to harm someone if a person doesn’t follow demands. These demands often include sending money with an app, taking naked or sexual pictures or videos, or other illegal activities. These threats come from different types of people, for example, strangers you meet online, a person pretending to be someone else online, and past romantic or sexual partners. These threats are attempts to harass, embarrass, and control victims and it is illegal (against the law).
Oftentimes the harasser reaches out to a young person on a social media app or gaming platforms. Recently there has been an increase in sextortion targeting boys; often in these situations boys don’t feel like they can get help, don’t know who to tell, and don’t know how to manage feelings of embarrassment. The harasser could be (or be pretending to be) any gender and any age. Often they will friend multiple people within a community or school to gain mutual friends and appear trusted before contacting potential victims. Some red flags that a message might be sextortion are: the person says “i’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”, the person pretends to be from a modeling agency and requests pictures, the person uses photos that have been photoshopped to seem real, the person wants to quickly develop a romantic relationship, or they use multiple (fake) identities to contact you. In addition, the person might also say or do things like, “ I will make you (or the picture/video) go viral”, take a screenshot of your location and say “i know where you live” or “murderers are waiting outside for you (or your family)”, “I will tell your family you sexually assaulted someone”, or “I need the money for a sick family member”. All of these are lies meant to upset and disturb people so they will react and trick them into giving the blackmailer what they want.
It is important to talk to your students about sextortion in a way that shows support and removes blame, guilt, and shame. Saying things like, “I told you so”, “Why didn’t you…”, or “This is what happens when..” can bring up a lot of shame and embarrassment and prevent young folks from talking to adults in challenging situations. Instead, use phrases like, “How are you feeling?”, “We can get through this together.”, and “It’s not your fault-they have committed a crime”. Work together to report the incident, encourage them to talk to their parents/caregivers, and make sure that you connect them to a counselor or other professional with specific experience in sexual harassment, abuse, or sextortion cases. In addition, there are resources to support young people and their families to remove unwanted online pictures. For example you can contact Take It Down; this service is one step you can take to help remove online nude, partially nude, or sexually explicit photos and videos of minors
There are also some important “Don’t”s if sextortion happens” that your students need to know: 1-Don’t delete images or messages, these can be used as evidence by the authorities in the future and 2-Don’t pay money to the harassers. Often they will continue to ask for increasingly larger amounts of money with threats of releasing the information, photos, or videos. And 3-do NOT forward or share the images with anyone other than a reporting website and law enforcement. Sharing nude pictures of minors (people under 18) is child pornography, even if the pictures are of yourself.
Helping young people understand how social media and other apps work and teaching them how to report/block people online, as well as the skill of thinking critically while using social media is essential. Give them plenty of opportunities in class to discuss internet safety, how to protect themselves online, and to think critically with their peers about what they experience. This will help them when they are on their own, in addition to helping them know how to access reliable resources, and report online abuse, harassment, and sextortion in the future
National Sex Ed Standards
Evaluate the impact of technology (e.g., use of smart phones, GPS tracking) and social media on relationships (e.g., consent, communication)
Demonstrate strategies to use social media safely, legally, and respectfully
Analyze the potentially positive and negative roles of technology and social media on one’s sense of self and within relationships
International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education
Discussion Questions
- What have you heard about online blackmail, harassment, bullying, and sextortion?
- How do you know if someone online is real or fake?
- What are some examples of things a sextortion blackmailer might say to make you believe them?
- What should you do, as soon as you think someone you are chatting with online might be fake or lying
- When you use technology, what are some things you can do to stay safe?
- If you experience sextortion, what steps should you follow?