What Is Intimacy?

For some people, intimacy, or “being intimate,” is used as another term for sexual activity. However, there is much more to intimacy than just sex. Intimacy is the feeling of closeness that develops between people in a personal relationship. It builds over time, as you get to know someone and grow to care about each other. You need to get to know someone before you can begin to feel intimacy with them and they have to know you, too. Intimacy typically develops after people begin to trust and care about each other and is an important part of relationships. 

Within a relationship, intimacy can be emotional, physical or both. Emotional intimacy is being able to have honest communication with someone and know that they won’t judge you or betray your trust. You are able to be your true self around this person. Friends can share physical intimacy by giving each other a hug or consoling each other when feeling sad. Physical intimacy can be sexual but it doesn’t have to be. 

In a romantic relationship, intimacy can become sexual if it is something both partners want. Sexual intimacy can take time to develop as people get to know and feel comfortable with each other. It’s important for people in a relationship to discuss what kind of intimacy they would like. This communication is a way of setting boundaries. Teaching your child how to establish their own boundaries and respect others’ boundaries is important.  

For some, intimacy can feel harder to develop. People might worry about how their body looks or whether they will be accepted as they are. Some people may have gone through experiences like past trauma and need more time to develop intimacy. Since intimacy requires a person to be vulnerable, if someone has been hurt in the past, it can be hard for them to trust again. Being understanding of this can help to establish a deeper connection with that person. 

Nurturing a bond of emotional intimacy with your child will help set a good example of how they can achieve intimacy in their other relationships. Set aside time without electronics to really get to know your child on a personal level. You could put a question in their lunchbox and discuss it when you see them after school. Ask them what kind of activities they would like to do with you and then follow through. Let your child know that they can be honest with you without fear of judgment. Most importantly, talk with them about trust and what are signs that someone can be trusted. All of these will help your child learn how to create feelings of closeness with others.  

CONSERVATION STARTERS 

If you start important conversations about topics like intimacy with your children, then they will know they can come to you with questions. The easiest way to start these conversations is to talk about issues as they come up in everyday life, like while watching TV shows or movies together.