Sexuality, Faith and Culture

Children often use the values, traditions and beliefs—religious or otherwise—imparted by their families, cultural groups and other communities to guide their behavior, such as how they treat other people. These values are very important, as they may inform how children make decisions about romantic relationships and sexual behaviors, as well as how they are taught to think about the decisions they’ve made.

Whether parents, guardians and caregivers realize it or not, communication about values happens with children all the time. From the clothes and toys parents buy their children, to how they decorate children’s bedrooms, to the comments parents make about gender and sexual orientation, parents consistently articulate what they believe to be important and unimportant about sexuality to their children, in both explicit and implicit ways. In line with this, structured or formalized religious education through faith-based classes and religious services—or the lack thereof—often expose children to additional values and beliefs.

Since people within religious groups may not always agree on topics—such as when to have sex, gender roles, sexual orientation and contraception—it is important that parents who share a religious tradition with their children know what their religious institutions are teaching young people about these important topics. Does what a family’s faith community teaches about sex before marriage or other topics align with your family’s beliefs?

What is most important is that children understand your family’s particular beliefs and values—whether religious or not—and feel empowered and affirmed enough by them to make healthy decisions for themselves. And while children will encounter people with different beliefs, they can have their beliefs while showing respect for other people’s beliefs by not imposing their beliefs on others. Having different beliefs, values and perspectives makes us all distinct and special.

CONVERSATION STARTERS

When parents and caregivers talk with young people about their beliefs and values, it opens the door to important conversations about topics like sex, gender and sexual orientation. In the interest of keeping the lines of communication open between parents and children, it’s important that parents not shame children. As young people begin to think about topics related to sexuality, it’s possible they will question some of the values they have learned or been exposed to. When parents provide a listening ear as young people question certain beliefs, it sends a clear message that parents are available to support children no matter what and willing to help them on their journey to figuring out what is right for them. Being able to listen to what young people are thinking and feeling—without judging them—means they can feel safe and comfortable coming to parents or guardians when they are trying to make decisions based on the personal values they are starting to develop.

Below are some ways to start these conversations: