Virginity

Young people may hear the words “virgin” or “virginity” and be very confused about what these words mean. It is no surprise that young people might be confused, as there is no consensus about what virginity means.

Virginity is not a medical term, and there is no medical definition of virginity. A person cannot look at another person and know if that person is a virgin. A medical exam cannot determine if someone is a virgin. At one time, it was believed that an intact hymen (the thin tissue that can cover part of the vaginal opening, located about a half-inch inside the vagina) meant a person was a virgin. But some people are born without a hymen, and it’s not unusual for the hymen to be broken during ordinary activities, like gymnastics or horseback riding. This definition also only applies to girls and does not recognize the fact that people, regardless of gender, have to decide when is the right time to have sex.

While there are many different ways of understanding what virginity means, educators can explain to young people that when people use the word “virgin” they are often referring to a person who has not had sex. But people don’t always agree about which behaviors constitute “having sex,” so people’s definitions of virginity can vary widely. For example, for some people, being a virgin means never having had vaginal sex. Other people believe being a virgin means never having been involved in any type of sexual behavior, including oral or anal sex, with another person.

It is important that educators help young people understand that virginity is an idea with lots of different meanings for different people. Discussing these different meanings can provide an opportunity for educators to talk with young people about how someone might decide if they are ready for sex. During these conversations, it is important that young people know that whether a person has or has not had sex does not make them a good or bad person. This is an especially important message given that a young person who has survived sexual assault may feel shame about not being a virgin. This shame can prevent young people from seeking the help and care they desperately need. Educators can also stress that bullying a person based on his or her perceived sexual behavior is never okay. What is most important is not whether someone is or is not a virgin, but that they get to choose what is healthy and best for them.