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Some young people may find it helpful to talk to a relative, but others prefer to talk to a teacher, coach, or friend’s parent. The video acknowledges that some adults aren’t good listeners, don’t always believe young people, or tell young people what to think. The video advises young people to find an adult that respects them enough to listen without judgment and to test out whether an adult would be a good fit to talk to, such as if the young person has heard them give good advice to others. Youth Sometimes it can be awkward to ask a parent or trusted adult questions about puberty and sex. As uncomfortable as it may feel, remember that they were once your age and went through the same things you are going through. A parent or adult you trust can provide the support you deserve as you go through puberty. That’s why it is important for you to have at least one adult you trust and can talk with. Choose someone you think is a good listener and won’t be judgmental. Choose someone who will help you figure out what to do in a tough spot or help you process your feelings and thoughts. Look for someone you admire—someone you think you might like to grow up to be like one day. Ask yourself, Do I respect this person? Do I trust them? Will they take me seriously? Will they respect me and not judge me? Trusted adults can be your parents, grandparents, other relatives, caregivers, teachers or coaches. Even your friends’ parents can provide advice, answer difficult questions, share their values and/or faith traditions and help you as you grow into an adult. Regardless of who a trusted adult is to you, what matters is that this person provide the support you need and deserve. FAQs I am so embarrassed to talk with my parents about this stuff. What can I do? It is totally normal to feel embarrassed to talk about these topics with your parents, especially if your family has never talked about puberty and growing up. However, it is important to remember that adults were your age at one point in their lives, and they have a lot of experience with these topics. You may be surprised how open and willing they are to talk. If you still don’t feel like you can talk to a parent, you can identify another adult that you trust to have these conversations with. This might be another relative, a teacher, a coach, a guidance counselor or even a friend’s parent. My mom wants to talk about this stuff with me all the time, and I am just so embarrassed. What can I do? It is totally normal to feel embarrassed to talk about these topics with your parents. Most likely, your mom just wants to show you that she supports you and that you can talk to her if you have questions. If you feel like she is being too pushy or overbearing, just let her know that you aren’t ready to talk about these topics right now, but if and when you are ready, you understand that she is there for you. RELATED VIDEOS How to Be a Good Listener Close ADDITIONAL RESOURCES Sex, Etc. KidsHealth Parents Adolescence can be an exciting and challenging time when both young people’s bodies and minds are going through lots of changes. Having at least one trusted adult they can talk to about sensitive topics, such as puberty, their feelings and growing up, really helps. Trusted adults can be parents, grandparents, other relatives, caregivers, teachers or coaches. Even a young person’s friends’ parents can provide advice, answer difficult questions, share their values and/or faith traditions. Regardless of who a trusted adult is, what matters is that this person provide the support a young person needs and deserves. This is especially true for young people facing additional physical, emotional or social challenges. Young people can feel awkward and nervous about talking with adults, especially if they know adults are going to judge or lecture them. While an adult may want to do all of the talking and tell a young person how to feel and what to think, this is a sure way to have a young person withdraw. An adult who listens to what young people have to say and respects their experiences and perspectives will earn their trust. If a young person does not feel judged, that young person is more likely to be honest with an adult and seek out help if they get into trouble, feel uncomfortable at a party or need help handling a tough situation. CONVERSATION STARTERS Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, and this is true for relationships between young people and their parents, caregivers or other trusted adults. As a parent or trusted adult, you can help your child or another young person practice good communication skills by demonstrating healthy communication skills in your conversations with them and being a supportive listener when a young person needs help. The easiest way to start conversations about communication is to talk about it as it comes up in everyday life, like while watching a show or movie together. Here are some ways to start these conversations: If you are watching a show or movie where a young person and a trusted adult are displaying positive communication... If you are watching a show or movie where a young person and a trusted adult are displaying positive communication and a safe and supportive relationship, you can ask your child whether they feel like they have that type of relationship with you or another trusted adult. If you notice that your child is having a bad day or feeling down... If you notice that your child is having a bad day or feeling down, remind them that you are there for them if and when they feel ready to talk about what is going on. This opens the door to communication and shows that you are available and willing to be a good listener. Educators Adolescence can be an exciting and challenging time when both young people’s bodies and minds are going through lots of changes. Having at least one trusted adult they can talk to about sensitive topics, such as puberty, their feelings and growing up, really helps. Trusted adults can be parents, grandparents, other relatives, caregivers, teachers or coaches. Even a young person’s friends’ parents can provide advice, answer difficult questions, share their values and/or faith traditions. Regardless of who a trusted adult is, what matters is that this person provide the support a young person needs and deserves. This is especially true for young people facing additional physical, emotional or social challenges. Young people can feel awkward and nervous about talking with adults, especially if they know adults are going to judge or lecture them. While an adult may want to do all of the talking and tell a young person how to feel and what to think, this is a sure way to have a young person withdraw. An adult who listens to what young people have to say and respects their experiences and perspectives will earn their trust. If a young person does not feel judged, that young person is more likely to be honest with an adult and seek out help if they get into trouble, feel uncomfortable at a party or need help thinking through how to handle a tough situation. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS National Sex Education Standards CHR.5.CC.1 - The characteristics of Healthy Versus unhealthy Relationships Describe the characteristics of healthy versus unhealthy relationships among friends and with family members View all CHR.5.CC.1 Videos CHR.5.AI.1 - Identify Trusted Adults, Including Parents and Caregivers Identify trusted adults, including parents and caregivers, that students can talk to about relationships View all CHR.5.AI.1 Videos PD.5.AI.2 - Trusted Adults, Including Parents, Caregivers, and Health Care Professionals Identify trusted adults, including parents, caregivers, and health care professionals, whom students can ask questions about puberty and adolescent health View all PD.5.AI.2 Videos International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education 1.1, ages 9-12 Families View videos for 1.1 (ages 9-12) 5.5, ages 9-12 Finding Help and Support View videos for 5.5 (ages 9-12) After watching the video with your class, process it using the following discussion questions: Who are some examples of trusted adults from the video? * What qualities should you look for in a trusted adult that you can talk with? * What are some of the benefits of having a trusted adult to talk to during this time in your life? * Is there an adult in your life that you feel comfortable talking to about these topics? If not, who might be able to help you identify someone? If you notice that your child is having a bad day or feeling down... If you notice that your child is having a bad day or feeling down, remind them that you are there for them if and when they feel ready to talk about what is going on. This opens the door to communication and shows that you are available and willing to be a good listener. Lesson Plans 8th Grade—Lesson 2: The World Around Me Like Mother Like Son Breaking the Ice Additional Resources Advocates for Youth Answer Planned Parenthood SIECUS YTH Books Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ "Go-To" Person About Sex Deborah Roffman Sex and Sensibility The Thinking Parents' Guide To Talking Sense About Sex Deborah Roffman