Sexual Decision Making
This video walks through the various reasons why someone might have sex, the things someone should think about before having sex, and what they should talk to their partner about. The video reminds young people the importance of obtaining and giving consent and talking to their partner about birth control and STI testing. The characters in the video demonstrate how to use communication skills, discussing their thoughts, feelings, and expectations about sex. The characters are reminded that sex should be a positive experience and a choice you’re making on your own – without pressure from others. The video encourages young people to talk to a trusted adult about the right time to have sex and encourages adults to engage in the conversation. [AMZ-156]
Youth
Deciding to have sex for the first time or with a new person is a big decision, and only you can decide if you’re ready. To help you make your decision, ask yourself these questions: How do you feel about sex and the person you might have it with? What are you expecting – physically and emotionally – during and after sex? Is your partner kind to you and do they treat you with respect? Are you feeling pressure from others to have sex?
It’s also important to think about how the other person is feeling and thinking. It should feel comfortable to talk to your partner about what you’re both comfortable with sexually. Both you and your partner must agree to every sexual behavior before and throughout sex. This is called consent. You and your partner can express consent by saying, “Yes, that’s okay with me.” Just because someone doesn’t say “no,” does not mean consent has been given. Asking for consent and giving consent for any sexual behavior is very important. You and your partner have the right to say “no” to any behavior at any point, for any reason, and that must be respected. Consent must be given willingly—if a person is forced to agree to any type of behavior, that is not consent.
In these conversations with your partner, it’s also important to talk about how you’ll prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and/or pregnancy. If you don’t feel ready to have that conversation, then it is best to wait to have sex.
If you’re not feeling sure about this decision, or even if you are, talk to an older sibling, a parent or other trusted adult.
FAQs
Most young people wait to have sex until they’re about 18. Only 41 percent of high school students have ever had sex, and very few have sex before getting to high school. Even though it might seem like a lot of people your age are having sex, it’s totally normal to wait until you’re older and ready.
Deciding to have sex for the first time or with a new person is a big decision, and only you can decide if you’re ready. Think about your relationship with the person and whether you care for, trust and respect each other. Make sure the two of you have talked about why you want to have sex, how it might change your relationship, and how you will prevent sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and/or pregnancy. It could also be a good idea to talk to a parent or another trusted adult. If you’re not really sure how you feel or if talking about sex feels uncomfortable, you might not be ready to have sex.
You always have the right to decide not to have sex, even if you’ve done it before. If you don’t feel comfortable or if you’re unsure about continuing to have sex with a partner, it’s totally okay to change your mind, even in the middle of it. A caring, supportive partner will respect your decision.
Parents
Sexual development is a normal and healthy part of adolescent development, but most young people are not yet ready for sex. It’s generally best for young people to explore sexuality in a loving, committed relationship.
People decide for themselves with whom and when they feel ready to have sex. In order to decide, it can be helpful for young people to think through how they feel about their partner, how their partner feels about and treats them, how they will protect themselves from STIs and/or pregnancy, and what things they do and don’t want to do sexually. If young people do not feel comfortable talking with a partner about these things, it’s a good indication that they’re not ready to have sex with that partner or at all.
Many people feel ready to have sex during their teen years, and many do not. It’s important to wait until each partner feels confident about the decision before doing anything sexual. Just because someone has had sex with one person, does not mean they must have sex with their next partner. Each person, relationship and situation is unique.
Talking with a parent or another trusted adult about how to make decisions about sex can be a positive source of support for young people.
Conversation Starters
Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, and this is true for relationships between young people and their parents, caregivers or other trusted adults. As a parent or trusted adult, you can help your child or another young person practice good communication skills by demonstrating healthy communication skills in your conversations with them and being a supportive listener when a young person needs help.
The easiest way to start conversations about communication is to talk about it as it comes up in everyday life, like while watching a show or movie together.
Here are some ways to start these conversations:
It seemed like their relationship moved pretty fast. What did you think? Did that seem realistic to you? How do you think someone can know if they’re ready to have sex?
How long do most of your friends go out before they decide to have sex?
Have dinner together and talk about what is going on in your tween’s life. When they mention friends or classmates that have romantic partners, you can then use this time to talk about healthy relationship qualities and behaviors.
If you are watching a show or movie where two people are kissing or about to kiss, you can use this as an opportunity to ask your child if the people kissing consented to that behavior. You could also ask what someone should do if they are not sure their partner is consenting.
Educators
Sexual development is a normal and healthy part of adolescent development, but most young people are not yet ready for sex. It’s generally best for young people to explore sexuality in a loving, committed relationship.
People decide for themselves with whom and when they feel ready to have sex. In order to decide, it can be helpful for young people to think through how they feel about their partner, how their partner feels about and treats them, how they will protect themselves from STIs and/or pregnancy, and what things they do and don’t want to do sexually. If young people do not feel comfortable talking with a partner about these things, it’s a good indication that they’re not ready to have sex with that partner or at all.
Many people feel ready to have sex during their teen years, and many do not. It’s important to wait until each partner feels confident about the decision before doing anything sexual. Just because someone has had sex with one person, does not mean they must have sex with their next partner. Each person, relationship and situation is unique.
Talking with a parent or another trusted adult about how to make decisions about sex can be a positive source of support for young people.
National Sex Education Standards
Explain the relationship between consent, personal boundaries, and bodily autonomy
Demonstrate communication skills that will support healthy relationships
Identify factors that are important in deciding whether and when to engage in sexual behaviors
Develop a plan to eliminate or reduce risk of unintended pregnancy or STDs (including HIV)
Demonstrate ways to communicate decisions about whether or when to engage in sexual behaviors and how to reduce or eliminate risk for pregnancy and/or STDs (including HIV)
Evaluate a variety of characteristics of romantic and/or sexual relationships and determine which ones are personally most important
International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education
Discussion Questions
- What are some myths the characters in the video believe about sex?
- What does the video say about how to know if you’re ready for sex?
- Why do you think the characters in the video feel confused about whether or not they are ready for sex? How common is it for people your age to feel that way?
- What can you do if you’re unsure about whether you are ready for sex?