3 Reasons You’re Lonely (And How to Fix It)
It is totally normal to feel lonely sometimes, but right now, more people are feeling isolated than ever before. This video explores how the unrealistic pressure to act tough, addictive social media algorithms, and AI chatbots are making it harder to build real friendships. It also breaks down small, real-life steps young people can take to break out of the funk and build genuine, in-person connections. [AMZ-186]
Featured Resources:
- Boys & Dating: A Guide for Mentors, Parents, Educators, and Coaches
- LooksMaxxing Guide for Mentors, Parents, Educators, and Coaches
This video is the fifth in a series on “Combatting the Manosphere.” The videos and corresponding collateral material are produced by AMAZE in collaboration with the LinkUp Lab, a project of Equimundo and Futures Without Violence.
Youth
If you are feeling lonely right now, you are not weird. A lot of people are dealing with this exact same thing. For guys specifically, it’s a huge issue where more young men feel lonely today than ever before. It can easily feel like it’s your fault, but your loneliness is actually just a reaction to the highly digital world you are growing up in.
Society puts a ton of pressure on young people to handle everything entirely alone, to never cry, and to act like absolutely nothing bothers them. But when you keep all your feelings locked inside, it is incredibly hard to build the kind of deep, real friendships that actually make you feel less alone. Opening up to a trusted friend isn’t a weakness; sharing your honest feelings gives people a chance to show up for you, which is exactly how strong connections form.
It is also super easy to get sucked into the endless scroll, especially since social media platforms are literally designed to be addictive so they can make money off your attention. You might see influencers who try to explain your loneliness by blaming women, feminism, or “modern dating.” These creators often just want to keep you angry and stuck online so they can get more views and make more money. The best thing you can do is unfollow accounts that rely on rage-baiting and instead spend your time finding in-person activities—like an art group, a club at school, or even start a gaming club where everyone plays in the same room.
Finally, when you’re feeling isolated, it might seem easy to turn to an AI chatbot for some quick comfort. But AI is just a tool programmed to act like a “yes man” and tell you what you want to hear. Relying on technology for emotional support actually makes staying lonely easier and pulls you farther away from the real people in your life who actually care about you.
FAQs
That is a huge fear for a lot of guys, and it can definitely feel super awkward at first. Because society tells guys they always need to “be tough” and act like nothing bothers them, your friends might just not know how to react right away. You don’t have to start by dropping a massive emotional bomb. Just start small—tell a friend when you’re having a stressful day, or ask them how they are really doing. If they are a true friend, they’ll appreciate you being real, and it actually gives them permission to open up, too.
Of course that counts! Playing online with your squad is definitely fun and a great way to stay connected, so keep it up! But if you do that, and you still feel lonely, then maybe your body is telling you something. Try adding in some face-to-face hangouts, too—like finding a local gaming club or inviting friends over to play in the same room. Often, in-person moments are what actually build deeper, closer bonds. If you only ever interact through a headset, it’s a lot easier to feel isolated the second you log off
It’s totally fine to look for style or workout tips! But you have to pay attention to how those creators make you feel after you watch them. Some influencers mix good advice with toxic messages that blame women or make you feel angry about dating, just to keep you clicking on their videos. If watching an account leaves you feeling annoyed, stuck, or bad about yourself, they aren’t actually trying to help you grow. Keep the accounts that build you up, and unfollow the ones that use rage-baiting to tear others down
It makes sense why that feels safe—an AI bot is literally programmed to agree with you, act like a “yes man,” and tell you exactly what you want to hear. But because it’s just a piece of technology and not a real person, using it makes staying lonely feel way too comfortable. Relying on a bot for emotional support tricks your brain and stops you from taking the small, in-person steps you need to make friends who will have your back in life, and help end the loneliness so many people are feeling.
Watch out for word choice. If a creator is promising their dating tricks work “always,””every time,” or that their advice is “guaranteed,” then they are probably giving unhealthy advice. When creators suggest that their advice is fool-proof, it’s a dead giveaway that they are scamming. Similarly, if a creator is saying anything about what’s “right” for a specific gender to do, or that women are “meant to” do one thing while men are “supposed” to do another…that’s all super sus and should be taken with extreme caution. Everyone is different, and no person of any gender acts the same.
Another category of words to watch out for is shaming words like “ugly,” “gross,” “disgusting,” or promising that their tips will change your body in an exact amount of days or weeks (think, “Get 6-pack abs in 5 weeks”). Those kind of creators are playing off people’s anxiety, and they ultimately make you feel worse about yourself so you get trapped in watching all their videos and trying all their solutions. Finally, if a video tries to sell you products that they insist will work (using words like “definitely”, “guranteed”, or “works every time”), then that is probably a scam, and you should find a different video. When looking for tips online, try to find two or three different sources saying the same thing before you believe it.
Normal is different for everyone – some people need to spend more time doing their hair than others, that’s just the way it is. So instead of worrying about the exact time you spend on something, think about this way: Are you enjoying the process of putting together an outfit, working out, figuring out your style, etc.? Or are you mostly stressing out about it? Looking good can be hard work, but just like a sport or art project, you should want to do it because you enjoy it. Look, we all stress about our looks a little bit. Everyone who works out has days where they just don’t want to go, and in those moments it’s ok to push yourself to go and stay disciplined about it. But as they say in the video, “if it stops being fun and starts making you anxious, that’s not strength, that’s stress.”
Every person is different, but if you start to notice you feel bad about yourself or notice that you compare yourself to others when you are scrolling, it’s time to take a break and do an activity that doesn’t involve your device! If you notice that you check your device automatically-without realizing it or feel like you have to check your social media all the time, you might be developing an unhealthy habit and spending too much time online.
Parents
Loneliness is a serious issue today, especially for teen boys, and many are turning to the internet for answers. Unfortunately, social media platforms are designed to be addictive, and boys are frequently targeted by “manosphere” influencers. These creators monetize anger by telling young men that feminism, women, or “modern dating” are to blame for their isolation.
Additionally, boys face intense societal pressure to act tough, hide their emotions, and handle everything alone. This unrealistic expectation makes it incredibly difficult for them to form the deep, meaningful friendships that actually prevent loneliness. At the same time, some teens are turning to AI chatbots for emotional support, which acts as a “yes man” and further isolates them from real human connection.
Parents and families can help by:
- Encouraging real-world connections: Help your son find in-person communities built around his interests, whether that is a school sport, an art group, or if he loves a virtual activity like videogames, perhaps there is a way you can suggest modifying it to be in-person by having everyone play in the same room or looking into a local in-person gaming club.
- Modeling vulnerability Teach them that opening up and sharing feelings is not a weakness, but a sign of strength that builds strong friendships. Point out examples of men and boys revealing their emotions and being there for friends that you see on TV, in movies, or male friendships in their lives.
- Discussing healthy media habits: Try not to disparage social media or digital elements of their lives, as that can cause them to stop listening to you. But it is important to mention that not all creators are the same. Remind them that algorithms and rage-baiting influencers are designed to keep them angry and scrolling, not help them.
- Setting technology boundaries: Remind them that while AI is great for homework, it is not a replacement for human connection and it can actually give harmful advice. Remind them that talking to real people not only yields better advice, but can also be the basis for forming or strengthening friendships.
Conversation Starters
You can say things like, “You know I love texting your Aunt Simone every day, but all my favorite memories together are in-person. I haven’t seen her in a while so I’m going to make an effort to do that now.” It sounds like speaking your thoughts out loud, but that is great! Then it comes across less as a lecture and more like an example they can choose to follow if they wish. In our experience, modeling healthy behavior is more impactful than lecturing. You can then use that moment to ask about their friends and encourage in-person hangouts or in-person activities to meet new people
Start by asking: “I know a lot of influencers talk about ‘modern dating’ being unfair to guys, or they blame women for guys being lonely. Have you seen videos like that?”
Listen to their answer with curiosity, not judgment. Then, you can talk about the business model behind those videos. Explain that social media platforms and certain creators make money by keeping users hooked, angry, and continuously scrolling. Discuss how, even though it might feel validating to hear someone else agree that things are unfair, blaming others ultimately keeps guys angry and stuck. Use this conversation to encourage them to unfollow “rage-baiting” accounts and instead follow creators who actually want to help them grow.
Bring it up casually by asking: “It seems like everyone uses AI for homework these days, but do you know anyone who uses it just to have someone to talk to when they’re stressed?”
Use this to open a dialogue about the difference between digital tools and genuine human connection. Explain that while an AI might feel safe because it is specifically programmed to agree with you and act like a “yes man,” it is still just a piece of technology. Discuss how relying on a bot for emotional support can actually make staying lonely easier, pulling them away from the real people in their lives who actually care about them. Remind them that when they are struggling, they should try to reach out to an actual friend, family member, or trusted adult.
Resources
Educators
Teen loneliness is a growing crisis, and for young men, this isolation is often compounded by strict gender norms. Boys face immense pressure to “be tough” and avoid expressing their feelings, which stops them from building the close bonds necessary to combat loneliness.
Educators and school staff can play a vital role in shifting this culture. Classrooms and school hallways can be places where vulnerability is normalized. When teachers encourage open communication and model emotional intelligence, they show students that sharing feelings is a strength that leads to connection, not a weakness.
Furthermore, educators must be aware that lonely boys are highly vulnerable to social media algorithms and “manosphere” content. Influencers actively target these isolated young men, keeping them hooked by blaming feminism and women for their struggles. Give them opportunities in class to discuss popular posts, break-down marketing strategies used by social media influencers, and to think critically with their peers about what they see. This will help them when they are scrolling on their own, in addition to helping them know how to access reliable resources in the future.
Finally, encourage students to join in-person extracurriculars—like sports, art programs, or gaming clubs—to build genuine relationships away from their screens. You can also serve as a faculty advisor for a new club someone wants to start to find like-minded students! You cannot remove the influence of the internet, but the more you can guide them to in-person human interactions, the healthier they will be.
National Sex Education Standards
Define bodily autonomy and personal boundaries
Define consent
Explain the relationship between consent, personal boundaries, and bodily autonomy
Evaluate the impact of technology (e.g., use of smart phones, GPS tracking) and social media on relationships (e.g., consent, communication)
Analyze the potentially positive and negative roles of technology and social media on one’s sense of self and within relationships
Define child sexual abuse and identify behaviors that would be considered child sexual abuse
Define child sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and domestic violence and explain why they are harmful and their potential impacts
Identify the state and federal laws related to intimate partner and sexual violence (e.g., sexual harassment, sexual abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence)
Describe the types of abuse (e.g., physical, emotions, psychological, financial, and sexual) and the cycle of violence as it relates to sexual abuse, domestic violence, dating violence, and gender-based violence
Analyze how peers, family, media, society, culture, and a person’s intersecting identities can influence attitudes and beliefs about interpersonal and sexual violence