How to Get a Girl to Like Me

You don’t need a slick pickup line, a sneaky strategy, or a script to talk to someone. The easiest way to start talking is to find common ground—like a class you’re both in, a club or sport you both play, a song or TV show, or something you both experience at school. It’s as simple as, “Can you believe they’re allowed to call this pizza?” or “That quiz was harder than I expected, how was it for you?”

Ask her questions about her life, actually listen to her answers without interrupting, and try to remember what she tells you for next time. Showing genuine curiosity is way better than trying to show off or saying you like something that you don’t.

People sometimes use the term “friend zone” like it’s a bad thing or something to be embarrassed about. But being friends with a girl is actually just a sign of a good, caring relationship. If someone tries to make you feel bad about it, it usually means they only value girls for status or sex, instead of seeing them as actual people. How you treat girls when there’s “nothing in it for you” shows your real character, and can even lead to romantic interest from other girls.

Rejection stings, and it’s ok to feel that pain. But rejection is also normal, and everyone experiences it throughout their lives. If she says no, it just means this is not the right fit for the moment or for the long-term. Talk to friends about how it made you feel, and eventually you’ll find a new connection. In fact, sometimes she will even introduce you to one of her friends that is a better fit.

A lot of online videos and influencers treat dating like a problem you can solve with a trick or a specific look. They often push the idea that dominance and status are more important than kindness. Maybe some version of that worked for them once, or, yes, maybe they are lying (remember, online influencers make money by getting you to watch their videos). The truth is, people are attracted to all kinds of different quirks, passions, and personalities—there’s no single “ideal type” you have to force yourself into. It’s not dominance that people find attractive, but confidence and willingness to try new things. Putting on a fake front or pretending to be an “alpha” just gets in the way of someone getting to know the real you.

It can definitely feel that way sometimes, especially in middle/high school, or when you see how relationships are shown in movies, video games, and on social media. It is true that being conventionally attractive or super loud might get someone noticed first. And because everyone is attracted to different things and different looks, that means some people will be attracted to that. But getting someone’s attention for a minute is completely different from actually building a real relationship. If a guy is just putting on a fake “alpha” front, playing mind games, or relying entirely on his looks, it usually leads to an unhealthy relationship or heartbreak because there’s no real connection underneath. The reality is that people are drawn to all sorts of different quirks, styles, and personalities, and there is no single “ideal type”. You don’t have to turn dating into a competition where you pretend to be someone you aren’t. Being confident in who you really are—and treating girls with genuine respect—is what actually creates a connection that lasts.

Watch out for word choice. If a creator is promising their dating tricks work “always,””every time,” or that their advice is “guaranteed,” then they are probably giving unhealthy advice. When creators suggest that their advice is fool-proof, it’s a dead giveaway that they are scamming. Similarly, if a creator is saying anything about what’s “right” for a specific gender to do, or that women are “meant to” do one thing while men are “supposed” to do another…that’s all super sus and should be taken with extreme caution. Everyone is different, and no person of any gender acts the same.

Another category of words to watch out for is shaming words like “ugly,” “gross,” “disgusting,” or promising that their tips will change your body in an exact amount of days or weeks (think, “Get 6-pack abs in 5 weeks”). Those kind of creators are playing off people’s anxiety, and they ultimately make you feel worse about yourself so you get trapped in watching all their videos and trying all their solutions. Finally, if a video tries to sell you products that they insist will work (using words like “definitely”, “guranteed”, or “works every time”), then that is probably a scam, and you should find a different video. When looking for tips online, try to find two or three different sources saying the same thing before you believe it.

Normal is different for everyone – some people need to spend more time doing their hair than others, that’s just the way it is. So instead of worrying about the exact time you spend on something, think about this way: Are you enjoying the process of putting together an outfit, working out, figuring out your style, etc.? Or are you mostly stressing out about it? Looking good can be hard work, but just like a sport or art project, you should want to do it because you enjoy it. Look, we all stress about our looks a little bit. Everyone who works out has days where they just don’t want to go, and in those moments it’s ok to push yourself to go and stay disciplined about it. But as they say in the video, “if it stops being fun and starts making you anxious, that’s not strength, that’s stress.”

Every person is different, but if you start to notice you feel bad about yourself or notice that you compare yourself to others when you are scrolling, it’s time to take a break and do an activity that doesn’t involve your device! If you notice that you check your device automatically-without realizing it or feel like you have to check your social media all the time, you might be developing an unhealthy habit and spending too much time online.

Communication is an important part of a healthy relationship. It means being able to tell your partner how you feel, what you need, what you believe and what you want in an open and honest way, without being afraid that your partner may get angry or have a negative reaction. It also means listening to and understanding your partner’s feelings, needs, beliefs and desires with the same respect you would want from them.

It takes time and practice for two people to learn to communicate. It’s often the most difficult part of a relationship, but it can be the glue that keeps people together because it allows the relationship to keep growing through mutual respect.

Listening is more than just hearing what the other person is saying. To actively listen, keep the distractions to a minimum. This means putting down your cell phone or taking out your ear buds when the other person is talking. Instead of judging the other person or thinking about what you want to say next, focus on what the other person is saying. You want to not only hear the other person but also imagine how they are feeling. This can help you understand the meaning behind what they are saying. Letting the other person know that you are trying to relate to how they feel can help them feel supported.