Talking With Your Parents About Sex
This video encourages young people to find an adult that they’re able to talk to about navigating situations that may arise during adolescence. Some young people may find it helpful to talk to a relative, but others prefer to talk to a teacher, coach, or friend’s parent. The video acknowledges that some adults aren’t good listeners, don’t always believe young people, or tell young people what to think. The video advises young people to find an adult that respects them enough to listen without judgment and to test out whether an adult would be a good fit to talk to, such as if the young person has heard them give good advice to others. [AMZ-113]
Youth
Sometimes it can be awkward to ask a parent or trusted adult questions about puberty and sex. As uncomfortable as it may feel, remember that they were once your age and went through the same things you are going through. A parent or adult you trust can provide the support you deserve as you go through puberty. That’s why it is important for you to have at least one adult you trust and can talk with.
Choose someone you think is a good listener and won’t be judgmental. Choose someone who will help you figure out what to do in a tough spot or help you process your feelings and thoughts. Look for someone you admire—someone you think you might like to grow up to be like one day. Ask yourself, Do I respect this person? Do I trust them? Will they take me seriously? Will they respect me and not judge me? Trusted adults can be your parents, grandparents, other relatives, caregivers, teachers or coaches. Even your friends’ parents can provide advice, answer difficult questions, share their values and/or faith traditions and help you as you grow into an adult. Regardless of who a trusted adult is to you, what matters is that this person provide the support you need and deserve.
FAQs
It is totally normal to feel embarrassed to talk about these topics with your parents, especially if your family has never talked about puberty and growing up. However, it is important to remember that adults were your age at one point in their lives, and they have a lot of experience with these topics. You may be surprised how open and willing they are to talk.
If you still don’t feel like you can talk to a parent, you can identify another adult that you trust to have these conversations with. This might be another relative, a teacher, a coach, a guidance counselor or even a friend’s parent.
It is totally normal to feel embarrassed to talk about these topics with your parents. Most likely, your mom just wants to show you that she supports you and that you can talk to her if you have questions. If you feel like she is being too pushy or overbearing, just let her know that you aren’t ready to talk about these topics right now, but if and when you are ready, you understand that she is there for you.
Parents
Adolescence can be an exciting and challenging time when both young people’s bodies and minds are going through lots of changes. Having at least one trusted adult they can talk to about sensitive topics, such as puberty, their feelings and growing up, really helps. Trusted adults can be parents, grandparents, other relatives, caregivers, teachers or coaches. Even a young person’s friends’ parents can provide advice, answer difficult questions, share their values and/or faith traditions. Regardless of who a trusted adult is, what matters is that this person provide the support a young person needs and deserves. This is especially true for young people facing additional physical, emotional or social challenges.
Young people can feel awkward and nervous about talking with adults, especially if they know adults are going to judge or lecture them. While an adult may want to do all of the talking and tell a young person how to feel and what to think, this is a sure way to have a young person withdraw. An adult who listens to what young people have to say and respects their experiences and perspectives will earn their trust. If a young person does not feel judged, that young person is more likely to be honest with an adult and seek out help if they get into trouble, feel uncomfortable at a party or need help handling a tough situation.
CONVERSATION STARTERS
Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships, and this is true for relationships between young people and their parents, caregivers or other trusted adults. As a parent or trusted adult, you can help your child or another young person practice good communication skills by demonstrating healthy communication skills in your conversations with them and being a supportive listener when a young person needs help.
The easiest way to start conversations about communication is to talk about it as it comes up in everyday life, like while watching a show or movie together.
Here are some ways to start these conversations:
If you are watching a show or movie where a young person and a trusted adult are displaying positive communication and a safe and supportive relationship, you can ask your child whether they feel like they have that type of relationship with you or another trusted adult.
If you notice that your child is having a bad day or feeling down, remind them that you are there for them if and when they feel ready to talk about what is going on. This opens the door to communication and shows that you are available and willing to be a good listener.
Educators
Adolescence can be an exciting and challenging time when both young people’s bodies and minds are going through lots of changes. Having at least one trusted adult they can talk to about sensitive topics, such as puberty, their feelings and growing up, really helps. Trusted adults can be parents, grandparents, other relatives, caregivers, teachers or coaches. Even a young person’s friends’ parents can provide advice, answer difficult questions, share their values and/or faith traditions. Regardless of who a trusted adult is, what matters is that this person
provide the support a young person needs and deserves. This is especially true for young people facing additional physical, emotional or social challenges.
Young people can feel awkward and nervous about talking with adults, especially if they know adults are going to judge or lecture them. While an adult may want to do all of the talking and tell a young person how to feel and what to think, this is a sure way to have a young person withdraw. An adult who listens to what young people have to say and respects their experiences and perspectives will earn their trust. If a young person does not feel judged, that young person is more likely to be honest with an adult and seek out help if they get into trouble, feel uncomfortable at a party or need help thinking through how to handle a tough situation.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Discussion Questions
- According to the video, what is one benefit of going to a parent or guardian to talk about sex?
- What are some examples of things a young person could ask a parent or guardian about?
- Have you ever considered talking to a parent or guardian about sex?
- What would be some fears or concerns that could keep a young person from going to a parent or guardian?
- Think again about the fears or concerns you brought up. If you had a friend that was feeling nervous about talking to their parents or guardians, what might be one thing you would suggest to them to get more relaxed or comfortable with the idea?
National Sex Education Standards
Identify trusted adults, including parents and caregivers, that students can talk to about relationships
Identify trusted adults, including parents, caregivers, and health care professionals, whom students can ask questions about puberty and adolescent health
