What Is Abstinence?

As a teacher who wishes to avoid the impression of “promoting” sexual behavior, abstinence can feel like an easy sex education topic to get behind. That said, it is important to have a full understanding of what abstinence is, and what it means to practice it, so that lessons with young people are clear and understood by everyone involved.

Abstinence is the act of refraining from doing a certain behavior, including but not limited to sexual activity. People of all ages and walks of life may practice abstinence at different times of their lives, for different amounts of time, and for various reasons. Many people practice abstinence to uphold their religious or spiritual beliefs. Other people might practice abstinence so they can focus on school or extra-curricular activities. Some people may wait for the right partner to become sexually involved with. There is no good or bad reason why a person might practice abstinence, and it is important that young people feel empowered to make and stick to the decision that feels most appropriate for them.

Many people practice abstinence by refraining from any type of sexual intercourse that puts them at risk for an unintended pregnancy or STD—including vaginal, anal and oral sex. Not everyone thinks of abstinence this way, however—including young people. For example, some people believe they are still practicing abstinence if they avoid vaginal sex, but still engage in oral sex. While this does count as a type of abstinence, oral sex can still put a young person at risk for STDs, especially if it’s unprotected. Teachers would do well in the sex ed classroom to explore various definitions of abstinence with their students, entertaining questions from them that help gauge understanding.

Many of your students may be in relationships, and may not be sure how to navigate abstinence in that context. You can make it clear to students that young people can be in a relationship and still practice abstinence, and that no one is required to engage in sexual behavior just because of their relationship status. Young people who are in relationships with each other and want to practice abstinence should make sure they communicate with their partner what abstinence means to them. They can then make sure they are on the same page with their partner about what practicing abstinence looks like. Practicing sexual abstinence does not mean that a person does not enjoy other forms of affection. If they are still interested, they may engage in masturbation, or they may cuddle or kiss with a partner. Additionally, even if they have already had sex, a person can choose to change their mind and become abstinent, whether or not their partner wishes to do the same.

While educators and other caring adults may feel a vested interest in children being sexually abstinent, choosing to practice it is, ultimately, a personal choice that should be respected and validated. Whether or not a young person chooses to be sexually abstinent, they should not be judged or shamed for their choices. No one is better or worse for being sexually abstinent. what’s most important is to encourage young people to make an informed choice that is best for them.