I Have Two Moms

Having a family member or caregiver who openly identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer (LGBTQ) is becoming more common. It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, because it reflects the different types of families that exist. However if you have an LGBTQ family member or caregiver, you may feel like you are different from other kids at school. Your friends’ families might look different, or you may not see your family represented in what you are learning in school. You may even hear hurtful things said about LGBTQ people. You are not alone. There are lots of kids who have LGBTQ family members, and most people generally know someone who is LGBTQ, even if they’re not in that person’s family.

Our biological and/or chosen family is usually a big part of who we are as people, so naturally we want to talk to our friends about them, and vice versa. It’s possible, however, that you may feel nervous talking about your LGBTQ family members, or feel like your friends will judge you because your family is different. Here are a few things to consider if you are going to tell a friend you have an LGBTQ family member or caregiver. Telling your friend that you want to talk with them about something that is important to you is the first step. From there, be open and honest about the information you want to share. You may also want to tell them beforehand that this is a personal matter and that you need them to keep this information private. It can also be a good idea to talk with a parent or trusted adult about how you plans to tell your friend. A parent or trusted adult may be able to offer helpful advice.

As with any news, there are a couple possible reactions you may experience from the other person. Your friend could react by saying it’s not a big deal, and they may be really supportive. If your friend reacts positively, that is awesome! Many people actually support LGBTQ equality, meaning that they believe everyone is created equal, and that LGBTQ people deserve all the same rights and privileges as any other person. Some people, unfortunately, may not be supportive and could say something you may not want to hear, like they don’t want to be your friend anymore or that they don’t support your family member.

If a friend tells you that they are not supportive, it may be because they are not familiar with different sexual orientations and gender identities, and your friend may need time to get comfortable with this idea. You may also have some friends that are confused or have lots of questions once you tell them. If you’d like, you could give them time to think about what you have shared. You may also want to talk with a trusted adult about how they reacted and how you are feeling. In the end, you can choose if this person is still someone you want to be friends with or not if they are not supportive. As well, remember that it is up to you to choose what information you do or don’t share. You do not have to answer any questions you’re not comfortable answering. You may want to find a website or other resource (like this AMAZE video) that talks about LGBTQ family members or caregivers. You can share it with your friend so they can learn more on their own.

What is important to remember is that every family is different. Some have two parents. Some have only one. Some have a mom and a dad, while others have two moms or two dads. There are families that have LGBTQ siblings, foster parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. There is no one right way to have a family. And while it may seem like you are different, being different is normal!