Challenging Male Gender Stereotypes With Jason Rogers

Gender role stereotypes are everywhere in our society. These messages begin very early and can be seen in gender-reveal parties, how parents and caregivers decorate children’s room, and what toys are offered for children to play with. Advertisements, video games, movies, TV, certain cultural and/or religious norms, and some families’ value systems can also send messages about gender, starting from a very early age. These are some of the societal messages that boys may get about masculinity: anger is the only appropriate emotion for boys and men to express; boys and men should always be thinking about pursuing and dominating others, to get sex if necessary; physical violence is power; and “real men” control others.

When boys get the message that feelings of sadness or fear are not okay to express, they feel like they should “suck it up.” As boys get older, this often turns into messages to “man up” or “be a man,” so that the only acceptable emotions are anger and aggression leading them to believe that “toughing it out” is what they are expected to do, even if experiencing physical pain or injury. Boys who feel angry about a situation involving a friend or family member are often taught that the preferred way to show anger is through physical violence. These messages are repeated in popular TV shows and movies, in the personal lives of celebrities and professional athletes and in schools and communities across the country. These messages can put unnecessary pressure on adolescents and can lead to harmful outcomes for boys now and well into adulthood.

Strict male gender role stereotypes may also teach boys and men that they should be hypersexual (pursue sex at every chance), so they are never perceived as gay, since being gay is perceived as the least masculine identity one can hold. Boys and men are encouraged to be aggressive in their sexual pursuits and to see sexual partners as conquests that need to be dominated. This idea is rooted in sexism and homophobia, as sex with women is seen as a way to “prove” boys and men are heterosexual. Feeling pressure to be hypersexual can also prevent boys from making informed decisions as to when and with whom they want to have sex, as they are receiving cultural messages that they should want sex with any girl at any time.

Strict male gender role stereotypes also place pressure on boys and men to be hyper-competitive and perform based on expectations of how a man is supposed to compete, act and win. Hyper-competitiveness can include wanting to dominate the competition in order to appear to be the biggest, strongest and most aggressive. This aggression can often lead to violence and attempts to humiliate opponents and prevent expressions of empathy.

Many of these male gender role stereotypes are assumed to be biologically determined: boys and men can’t help being hypersexual, hypercompetitive, suppressing emotion and turning to violence because that’s “just the way they’re wired.” The reality is that culture has a much bigger impact on our ideas about masculinity than anything biological, as one can see from how masculinity is understood in other countries. When boys and men can recognize and understand these harmful cultural messages, they are better equipped to express themselves based on who they are, not the way they think they should be. Masculinity itself is not inherently flawed; it’s just important to make room for the different types of masculinity.