How to Get Out of an Unhealthy Relationship

People have many kinds of relationships throughout their lives. When young people enter puberty, it is normal for them to begin experiencing romantic and sexual feelings for other people their age. They may feel like they want to be in a relationship or date someone during this time. There are also some people who do not ever feel romantic or sexual attraction, so we shouldn’t assume that eventually everyone will. Either is normal.

As adults, we can prepare young people to have healthy relationships by ensuring they can distinguish healthy from unhealthy behaviors and know how to identify intimate partner violence (also known as domestic violence or teen dating violence). If and when young people feel ready to get into relationships, they should know that healthy relationships include open and honest communication, trust, physical and emotional safety and respect. It is also important that we talk with young people about intimate partner violence, so they do not mistake the controlling behaviors and jealousy of intimate partner violence for love.

Communication is an important part of a healthy relationship. It means being able to tell your partner how you feel, what you need, what you believe and what you want in an open and honest way, without fearing that they may have an unreasonable negative reaction. It also means listening to and understanding your partner’s feelings, needs, beliefs and desires with the same respect you would want from them.

Being able to trust your partner means that you believe what they say and feel that you can rely on them and they will support you. When one partner does not trust the other, it can lead to things like jealousy, lying, and lack of emotional safety in a relationship.

By showing respect for your partner, you can build trust and increase communication, which can provide a healthy foundation for a relationship. Everyone deserves respect, and a relationship without respect can become very unhealthy. A healthy relationship includes respecting boundaries.

Intimate partner violence can take many forms, including abuse, stalking and harassment. Physical abuse between intimate partners may include hitting, punching or kicking. Emotional abuse involves belittling and humiliating a partner with name-calling and yelling as well as trying to control a partner by telling the other person what they can or cannot do and where they can or cannot go. While this type of intimate partner violence does not leave any physical evidence, it is just as harmful as physical abuse. Financial abuse in an intimate relationship includes controlling a partner’s access to money, which could include keeping money from a partner or keeping them from working to make their own money. Intimate partner violence may also include stalking a partner—following them wherever they go and refusing to leave—or harassing them in person or by sending harassing texts, emails or posts. Intimate partner violence can also include sexual abuse—forcing a partner to engage in sexual behaviors without consent. It is important that young people understand that even if two people are in a relationship, they should ask for and receive consent before engaging in any sexual behaviors with their partner.

Regardless of what form intimate partner violence takes, young people should know that it is never okay, and intimate partner violence is never the fault of the person being abused. Make sure your children and the young people in your care know that they can come to you or another trusted adult, like a school counselor or therapist, if they need help.

Conversation Starters

While your child may not be dating or looking to get into a relationship right now, there may come a time when they feel that they are ready and want to take this step in their lives. As a parent, being familiar with the qualities of healthy relationships and talking to your child about them can help your child feel more comfortable approaching you with questions about these topics.

The easiest way to start these conversations is to talk about issues as they come up in everyday life, like while watching a show or movie together.

Here are some ways to start these conversations: