Blessers: Older Partners and Transactional Relationships
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This video explores the issue of relationships particularly between older men and girls that are sexual and transactional, often referred to as “blesser-blessee” relationships in parts of South Africa. The video features two sisters discussing the younger sister’s friend, who has recently taken up a relationship with a much older man who has been providing her with gifts. In trying to understand why her friend has gotten involved with the older man, the sisters discuss how this can happen, some of the personal and health risks that girls can face in the relationship, such as risk of pregnancy, STIs, lower self-esteem, and violence, and the importance of talking to a trusted adult if someone is feeling pressured to become a “blessee.” [ISS-001]
Youth
The term ‘blesser’ is used in parts of South Africa to describe a relationship where typically an older man provides money and/or pays for a girl’s expenses such as bus fares to school, school supplies, meals, clothes, or other things in exchange for sex and companionship. While the blessee can benefit from the money and materials that the blesser provides, unequal power in the relationship can put girls at risk of contracting HIV and other STIs, unintended pregnancy, violence, and low self-esteem. Sometimes girls can get pressured into getting a blesser by friends, family, or economic circumstances and talking to a trusted adult can be one way to help navigate any pressures and/or explore other ways to get support.
Parents
Intergenerational or age-disparate transactional relationships are commonly characterized as relationships where there is an age gap of 10 or more years or 5-9 years, respectively, between partners, and an exchange of money or gifts in return for sex. Referred to as “blesser-blessee” relationships in some parts of South Africa, typically an older man provides money and/or pays for a girl’s expenses such as bus fares to school, school supplies, meals, clothes, or other things in exchange for sex and companionship. While the blessee can benefit from the money and materials that the blesser provides, unequal power in the relationship due to differences in age, status, or access to resources can impact a girls’ ability to decide if, when, and how to have sex, negotiate contraception, including condom use, and decide if and when to end the relationship. As a result, girls can face increased risk of contracting HIV and other STIs, unintended pregnancy, violence, and low self-esteem. Sometimes girls can get pressured into getting a blesser by friends, family, or economic circumstances. As a parent, talking openly and without judgment can be one way to help girls navigate any pressures and/or explore other ways to get support.
Educators
Intergenerational or age-disparate transactional relationships are commonly characterized as relationships where there is an age gap of 10 or more years or 5-9 years, respectively, between partners, and an exchange of money or gifts in return for sex. Referred to as “blesser-blessee” relationships in some parts of South Africa, typically an older man provides money and/or pays for a girl’s expenses such as bus fares to school, school supplies, meals, clothes, or other things in exchange for sex and companionship. While the blessee can benefit from the money and materials that the blesser provides, unequal power in the relationship due to differences in age, status, or access to resources can impact a girls’ ability to decide if, when, and how to have sex, negotiate contraception, including condom use, and decide if and when to end the relationship. As a result, girls can face increased risk of contracting HIV and other STIs, unintended pregnancy, violence, and low self-esteem. Sometimes girls can get pressured into getting a blesser by friends, family, or economic circumstances and talking to a trusted adult can be one way to help navigate any pressures and/or explore other ways to get support.
Sexuality education can help equip girls with knowledge and skills to navigate situations where they may be pressured into a relationship and to help prevent unintended pregnancy, STIs, and violence.
International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education
Friendship, Love and Romantic Relationships
Friendship, Love and Romantic Relationships
Sexual Behaviour and Sexual Response